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Matt's Favorite Quote: ~ Nothing ever seems to change....until u look back in the future and nothing is the same~
About Matt:
  My name is Matt!! And I am Canadian!!!   I am free to speak without fear, Free to worship God in my own way, Free to stand for what I think right, Free to oppose what I believe wrong, Free to choose those who shall govern my country. Hey, I'm not a lumberjack, or Mountie or a fur trader.... I don't live in an igloo or eat blubber, or own a dogsled.... and I don't know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada, although I'm certain they're really really nice. I have a Prime Minister, not a president. Our Parliament Building is not made of ice. I speak English and French, not American. And I pronounce it 'about', not 'a boot'. Canada does not have winter for 11 months out of the year. We have the other seasons just like you do. We do no shovel snow all year round. If you come across the boarder and ask where the snow is in July...expect us to look at you like the idiot you are. Not all Canadians say 'eh' after every sentence. I have never said 'eh' but even if I did it is a lot better then saying Huh! I do not own snowshoes and my families second car is not a dogsled. I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack. I believe in peace keeping, not policing, diversity, not assimilation, and that the beaver is a truly proud and noble animal. A toque is a hat, a chesterfield is a couch, and it is pronounced 'zed' not 'zee', 'zed' !!!! Canada is the second largest landmass! The first nation of hockey! If they pick the right team...and the best part of North America My name is Matt!! And I am Canadian!!!  
Matthew
Local origin of name: English From the Hebrew base name 'Matthew' Meaning ‘Gift of the Lord Book of Matthew' Emotional Spectrum It's more fun to be happy than sad is my belief. Personal Integrity My parents brought me up on firm moral ground. Personality I am a people person. I am never far from a crowd. Relationships People know me and want to be my friend. Travel & Leisure Who better to travel with than me? Career & Money I should be a actor! A rich one!! Life's Opportunities 'Be Prepared' is my motto! My Lucky Numbers: 2 ~ 4 ~ 15 ~ 18 ~ 37 ~ 45 What's in a name?The name Matthew is Hebrew, and means 'gift of god'. I also go by Matt or Matty; other spellings include Mathew and Matthias. Matty (usually spelt Mattie) is also a contraction of Matilda (not to be confused with the Egyptian goddess Maat, who personified truth, law and universal order). 0.759% of American men are named Matthew, Mathew, or Matt, as are 0.002% of American women (an additional 0.081% of women are named Mattie, and 0.026% are named Matilda, Matilde, Mathilda, or Mathilde). You may also be interested to know that the Chinese transliteration of my name means both 'Matthew', and 'wife of Mr. Horse'.
 MATTHEW
What Kind Of Person Am I Really?
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 Matt
Matt's Favorites
Matt's Extended Profiles (1)
Matt's Friends (451)
How Guys and Girls Look At Things  Why Guys Really Like Girls 1. The way girls walk. Many girls have a certain grace and smoothness to the way they move that guys just don't have. Not the ones I know, anyway. 2. They are smarter than me. Sure, I may know what play to call on a 3rd and long with a minute left to play, but she knows how to make me forget the game is on. 3. The way girls walk, smile, laugh, sleep, and especially the way they cry are all very appealing. There is nothing more in the world any heterosexual male wants to do than take care of a pretty girl any way he can. For sure, any guy would like it when a girl would depend on them, and feel safe around them. 4. What is most appealing about girls is the real scent of a girl, I'm not talking perfume or anything perverted here, just what happens when they are about a foot away. Combine that with a smile and light conversation makes the day complete. 5. The way girls kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world. The gentleness of their touch, the tenderness in their kisses and the whisper of a moan when we please them. 6. How cute girls are when they eat. They take little bites of a food. I could watch for hours and never get bored. 7. The way girls take hours to get dressed but in the end it makes it all worth while. They know what to wear that will drive me wild. 8. Because girls are always warm or is it because they are so hott that it makes me warm. 9. I like the way they think of the details of social interactions ahead of time. For the life of me, I can't remember birthdays and anniversaries. But I've yet to meet a girl who has forgotten my birthday after finding it out, or who has forgotten that I love the colours blue and black, and sometimes red. 10.The way girls fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most beautiful thing on this earth. They're also much, much better looking than anything else around, and are about the only things on earth worth holding, cuddling with, or kissing. 11. How cute girls are when they argue. They get all sad and you forget that they were the one wrong and end up saying that you are sorry. 12. The way their hand always finds yours. Their beauty. The skin, the hair, the legs, the shape. That delicious area behind the ear. The primped hands, the cute toes. The scent. 13. The way girls smile. I like that almost all girls are pretty, especially when they decide to let go of their cares for a minute and smile. It's like somebody turned on the lights. Girls in all shapes and sizes when they walk down the hall with that wiggle... damn. 14. The way you feel when you see their name on the call ID after you just had a big fight 15. The way that even the toughest girl has an inner china doll that is pretty, and delicate, if you have the patience to look for it. 16. The way girls kiss when you do something nice for them. The way girls kiss you when you say 'I love you' Actually ...just the way girls kiss you... 17. The way a girl can be so naturally nurturing to others whether of her own family or not. There's an ease a girl has with interacting with children that simply amazes me every time I witness it... 18. The way they think. Not that they all think alike, but for the most part, girls think differently than guys, and that forces me to see things in ways that I'd never considered. Plus, when they're smart, and they've got a great voice, they're sexy as hell. 19. The way girls are willing (and sometimes even excited) about offering advice and helping me polish off my rough spots. 20. The way they are caring, they cry over absolutely nothing, they are afraid of liitle harmless creatures. I`ve always liked the silly way they play hard to get when guys are running after them. 21. The way girls hit you and expect it to hurt. And sometimes it does. 22.Then the way girls apologize when it does hurt.(even though we don't admit it)! 23.Their maternal instinct. When you are down or had a bad day or generally feel like shit, they try to make you feel better. Whether its running their fingers thru your hair or holding your hand or asking if you would like something. They want to be there for you. 24.The way girls say 'I miss you' The way you miss them 25.The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt her anymore..... Girls have the ablilty to alter the nature of a guy, in spite of himself. The most quiet, tough, stone-faced guys I have ever known have behaved tenderly, sensitively, and even wrote poems in their own clumsy way, over girls, often without being asked. The most mild-mannered, unimposing guys will swell up like enraged bulls for them at the mere implication that a girl would like him to do so at that particular moment. I don't dispute that this is manipulation. I might even go so far as to agree that this might be where our ancient forefathers got the idea of witchcraft. But I have seen this used for good as well as evil. The ability to show a guy a side of himself, of which he was previously unaware, is a valuable gift. Love for that special girl is a thing not of the mind but of the heart. A feeling, not seen but only felt. Why Girls Really Like Guys. 1. Humour, with no pick-up lines, hotness, attractive to the girl, their personality has to be sweet - Shelby Hobbs 2. Someone that I can have a good time with but also someone I can have a serious relationship. Someone that understands me and cares and treats me well and doesn't pressure me into things I don't want to do and I can have fun with even if all we do is walk in the mall or whatever. - Steph 3. Someone that's not normal but not that different...he's gotta be taller that me and he's gotta have a sense of humor...preferably rocker, emo, or goth...I have a soft spot in my heart for them...has to like me 4 who I am and can't want me to change...when I say normal I mean he can't be totally obsessed with his looks and crap like that. - Liz 4. Someone who can always be himself no matter what, will cheer you up when your down, who knows the limitations of corny jokes - yet he can still make you laugh with his sense of humor - he isnt afraid to tell you how he feels and will do anything for you. Lisa 5. I like a guy who can make me laugh, when i talk to them in a serious way though, they can tell. Guys are always warm even if they dont act like it. It catches my eye when they try to smile alot, even in sad times. Just all around sweet, and funny, and still isn't a complete girl himself.... - Kiley 6. The voice. Most guys have way better voice than girls. So I usually like singing guys better than girls. When I look at some special man, he must have just a few things: a wonderful smile and nice eyes. And, of course the most sexy thing on a man: intelligence 7. I could say that it's easier to deal with guys because they don't get as emotional as girls do or that they react in a more logical fashion to things, but that again, would only be true about SOME of the guys vs. SOME of the girls. I have to agree with the 'equipment' comment because, you gotta have a man and his equipment to have sex the real and natural way. - Jenn 8. I like that with my father I feel that 'safe' feeling, that nothing could hurt me if he was there, because he would take care of me. I feel that with my boyfriend, as well, but in a different way. With my b/f, I like how he makes me feel loved (and a million other things! Not enough room for it all!). - Jill 9. I have no idea how to answer that. I'm sitting here trying to come up with one good reason and I'm stumped. But I love guys, so it's a bit baffling. *thinking* Guys are funny, both intentionally and unintentionally. I love that they're so serious and such goofballs at the same time. 10. Guys smell differently. Often times, I don't find their scents particularly engaging, but every now and then, I find a male that smells nice... and you won't find a woman that smells like that -- even if she prefers to wear guys' cologne [ugh]. 11. I like when a man cries. I don't mean the 90s-in-touch-with-your-inner-child type of crying. I mean the standing in the rain, soaked to the bone, looking at your loved one's grave type of crying. When I see a man cry like that, I'll break down every time. It kills me. Because I know his entire world has to have come apart for him to be doing it. 12. I like it that a real gentleman is a little (LITTLE) possessive. I like that he doesn't allow anyone to treat me with disrespect. I like it that he puts me on a pedestal. I like it that he likes it that I depend on him (a LITTLE). I like it that he doesn't worry about what to wear, or what other people are thinking about what he's wearing, while at the same time looking good. - Sara 13. What I like most about guys, besides the obvious sexual thing, is that they're not girls. I have never had a man seriously ask me 'Do these slacks make my ass look big?' - Allison 14. Lately, what I've been appreciating most about guys is how they're more likely to be straightforward and not take things personally. In a non-intimate-relationship setting, that is SO much easier to deal with. 15. I don't particularly care for girls (can ya tell?!?) and have had mainly male friends for my entire life. It's just *so* much easier. Even when the guy gets weird and has a crush on you it's still preferrable to the average female friendship any day.(I'm speaking generally, of course - don't want to get a bunch of girls pissed off at me.) - Natalie 16. I like that guys are easy. I may not always be in the mood, but when I am, I know how easy it will be to convince him. - Saha 17. I like hairy guys, that need to shave, hard muscles, guy skin, big hands and feet, and musky guy smells. Oh, and strong arms and the back of guy's necks when they have short hair. - Courtney 18. I love guys because they're little boys who never grow up. The fun is finding that little boy and bringing him back to life. 19. I like the fact that guys-- even flaming gay guys-- will tend to think in different patterns than girls, and will tend to discuss different topics. I like the way that a guy's back is shaped. 20. I am low maintenence and guys are low maintenence. Guys are easier to just be yourself with and have fun. - Rose 21. You can have an argument with them and they won't hold a grudge about it for 15 years. - Rebecca 22. One of the things I like about guys is that most of them aren't crazy, where as most girls seem to be. With guys, you don't have to be as concerned about your appearance as you do with girls. Of course, above all else, intelligence and a good sense of humor. - Melissa 23. Their shyness. No matter how old they get guys act like flustered 12-year olds around a pretty girl. 24. I find guys (even gay guys) to be lower maintenance than girls. They have that whole 'laid back' thing going on that most girls don't seem to have. 25. I like it when guys are attentive and protective. For example: opening doors, offering to carry heavy things, helping me, and walking with me when it's dark. - Missy Things That Guys Wished Girls Knew I keep getting emails telling me what girls wish guys would know. These are the things guys would like girls to know. 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put it down. 3. Birthdays, Valentines' Day and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present, again! 4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 5. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. 6. Get rid of your cat. No, it's not different. It's just like every other cat. 7. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period. 8. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot, and your dad probably is too. 9. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work. 10. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes. 11. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers. 12. A headache that lasts 7 months is a problem. See a doctor. 13. Your mom doesn't have to be our best friend. 14. Have the oil checked. 15. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take 'the quiz' from Cosmo together. 16. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 24 hours. 17. If you don't like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 18. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 19. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out. 20. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done. Not both. 21. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we. 22. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at. 23. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and its not going to deter us from reading the magazines. 24. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. 25. Anyone can buy condoms. Things That Girls Wished Guys Knew Wow I never knew this until a girl sent me this and told me to study it so that I would know for the future....lol Was she right? 1. NOT KISSING FIRST. Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A properly passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay. 2. BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR. Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts. 3. NOT SHAVING. You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance. 4. SQUEEZING HER BREAST. Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them. 5. BITING HER NIPPLES. Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a doggie toy isn't. 6. TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES. Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points. 7. IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY. A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention. 8. GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED. Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off. 9. LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT. Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it. 10. TAKING PICTURES. When a man says, 'Can I take a photo of you?' she'll hear the words '__to show my buddies.' At least let her have custody of them. 11. NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH. Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no. 12. UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY. Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy. 13. GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY. Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not. 14. THANKING HER. Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen. 15. MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY. You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not. 16. UNDRESSING PREMATURELY. Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons. 17. TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST. A man in socks and underpants is a at his worst. Lose the socks first. 18. TALKING DIRTY. It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know. 19. ASKING IF SHE HAS COME. You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask. 20. TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES. In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do. 21. ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES. If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings. 22. GIVING LOVE BITES. It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end. 23. BARKING INSTRUCTIONS. Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on. The Difference Between Guys and Girls
Why It's Great To Be A... 40 reasons it's great to be a guy: A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
40 reasons it's great to be a girl: You won't starve without a can opener. Pick Up Lines that Are Just Plain Lame
CATCHING TWEETY
Watch this until Sylvestor catches Tweety...(wait for it. It's worth it)... then scroll down
0-2 seconds - there's hope for you 2-5 seconds - having a bad day? 5-10 seconds - are you maybe just a slow reader? 10-20 seconds - remedial classes are nothing to be ashamed of 20-30 seconds - it is recommended that you don't breed. 30 sec-1 min - Management material 1-2 min - The equivalent of the average house plant 2-5 min - Good afternoon Mr Bush 5 min-1 hr - Dead people score in this range 1 hr plus - congratulations. You have a negative IQ. To find out what your prize is, watch bugs until he finishes his carrot.
The Times Around the World For My Friends
JOKES
What I Really Think About My Friends?
SEX POLL
SEXUAL STYLE
The Keys To My Heart
MY DEADLY SINS
Hillbilly Medical Terms
Birthday Calculator
Check this out This is cool, ... After you've finished reading the info, click again, and see what the moon looked like the night you were born. This is neat.  Questions to Ponder
Don't let anything else touch your lips
Put your nice lips on touching
Anything For A Kiss?
 A Letter That Will Change Your Life
YOU WILL EXPERIENCE GREAT SEX within four days of receiving this letter, provided you send it on. Since the copy must tour the world, you must make ten copies and send them to others. This is no joke. Send no money. Send copies to people who need to GET LAID within 96 hours. After he passed this letter on, a Canadian dairy farmer got his penis stuck in a cow-milking machine and had the longest series of orgasms of his life. John Cockburn tried to pick up a prostitute, but, because he broke the chain, was picked up by the police instead. When they searched his home, they found little boy kiddie porn which they showed to his neighbors. In San Francisco , Mike Ockhurt's trousers were ripped by an unsatisfied erection, 51 days after failing to circulate the letter. However, before this happened, a condom machine gave him three condoms for the price of one. (was this the consolation prize?) Do note the following: Hebert Pudstrom received the chain in 1953. He asked his secretary to make ten copies and send them out. A few days later he encountered her in a red-light district making more than he had ever paid her at work. General H. Norman Schwarzkopf, who sent the letter on, saw what he thought was a quarter in the street. When he bent down to pick it up, a beautiful woman in a short skirt with no panties walked by, and he got a great view. John G. Nads received the chain in 2002. He asked his secretary Mary Hooker to make five copies while he made five more copies and send them out. A few hours later as they were together in the copy room John got his watch caught on Mary's skirt. While they both tried to get it loose Mary snagged her ring on his pants. As they struggled to get loose John's wife walked in and yell 'look you merry hooker get you hands off John nads'. Even though John and Mary were caught they thanked the letter because that was the best action they had in their pants in years. Also note the following: Harry Pitts received the chain in 2004. He threw it away because he did not believe in what it said. A few days later he was on a company business trip and picked up a blonde at the bar. As he was making wild love to her, he said to himself that he didn't need to send the letter to get laid....Just then the door opened and there was his boss with a gun. The boss said that's my wife and promptly shoot Harry in the pits. Miss Gloria Hole a 80 year old virgin received the letter and laughed because at her age what could happen. She did not send out the ten copies. A few days later she started to experience itching in the lower region. She went to see the doctor and was told that she had crabs. She was incensed and swore that it was impossible because she was a virgin so she went to get a second opinion. This doctor also gave her the same opinion so she went to a third . She told him that she was a virgin and she could not have crabs. He checked her out and came back and told her...'I have good news and bad news' The good news is you don't have crabs. The bad news is your cherry rotted and now you have fruit flies'. Alpha Kenny Wun a married man left for work early one Friday morning. At work he recieved the letter and sent out the copies. Instead of going home, however, he squandered the weekend, (and his paycheck) partying with the women he picked up at the bar. When he finally returned home on Sunday night, he ran into an attack of name calling from his wife. After a couple of hours of nagging and scolding, his wife asked 'How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days?' 'That would suit me just fine!!' Alpha Kenny said. Monday went by, and the man didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday went by with the same result. Come Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little, just out of the corner of his left eye. Parry Hervert , an unemployed chicken choker, received the letter and forgot that it had to be sent within 96 hours. His wife then went bowling with his best friend and never returned. Later, after finding the letter again, he mailed ten copies. A few days later Harry Pervert (I mean Parry Hervert) got a new girlfriend and discovered that his old wife, who he thought was wonderful, had made love to him like a dead fish for all these years! Alan Fairchild received the letter and, not believing, threw the letter away. Nine days later he spilled hot coffee in his crotch. Young Moe Lester was courting Minnie Skurt, who lived on an adjoining farm out west in cattle country. He received the email and promptly mailed ten copies. Feeling that his love life would now be more fulfilling he went to see Minnie. While sitting on the porch watching the sun go down over the hills, Moe spied his prize bull having sex with one of his cows. He figured the omens were right for him to put the move on Minnie. He leaned in close and whispered in her ear, 'Minnie, I'd sure like to be doing what that bull is doing.' 'Well then, why don't you? 'Minnie whispered back. Moe was happy that he was finally getting some...until she continued 'It is YOUR cow.' In the summer of 1999 Mike Rotchburns broke the chain, and decided to go to the movies instead of sending the letters. At the movies Mike noticed a beautiful lady Miya Buttreaks sitting all by herself. He was excited to see she had both hands under her skirt and was pleasuring herself furiously. He moved to the next seat to her and offered his help. She welcomed his help, and so he got busy. When he got tired and took his hand out, he was surprised to see her go back to work on herself with both hands. Wasn't I good enough?' he asked sheepishly. 'Great,' she said, 'but these crabs are still itching!'. Not sending the letter was both good and bad....he did get in Miss Buttreaks panties but now he too had crabs. In January 2006 Master John Bates who was not able to have sex with his wife for six years got the mail and sent out the copies. Feeling his luck was about to change he went to see the doctor. His doctor prescribed Viagra and told him to take it one hour before sex and that his erection would last five hours. The man collected his prescription and went home to wait for his wife to get in from work. An hour before she was due home, he took the Viagra pill. But just as he was expecting her, she phoned to say that she wouldn't be in for another two and a half hours. He asked her what he should do while waiting and she told him to go do his banking. While waiting in line Master Bates was arrested for sexual assault for goosing the woman in front of him in line In 2002 Ophelia Titz and Max E. Pad two skinny flat chested women who worked together and never had much of a love life received the letter and did nothing about it. They were out shopping when they came across a fortune teller who told them that there would be many changes in their lives in the future if they did not do something. In the future they would get bigger boobs and their butts would increase. She also told them that there would be new guys in their life and that these guys would be keeping them up all night and they would finally have a naked guy around the house who would be grabbing their boobs at every opportunity . The fortune tell was about to tell them how this would happen but before she could they yelled 'We know what we have to do' and ran off to send the letters. That night they went to a bar and then had sex with two strangers....Nine months later they each had a baby boy. The fortune teller was right, they had a lot of diapers to change, and they were up all night, their boobs were bigger from breast feeding and they had new naked guys grabbing their boobs. The fortune teller wanted to tell them to make sure their dates wore condoms . In 1987 the letter received by a young woman in Texas was faded and barely readable, so she did not realize that this paragraph applied to her. She promised herself she would retype the letter and send it on, but she put it aside to do later. She was plagued with problems including herpes and other venereal diseases she contracted in her futile attempts to find Mr. Right in a singles bar. The letter did not leave her hands in 96 hours. She finally typed the letter and found a man with a 10-inch penis. Beware, however of the fate of the E-mail user at Trent University, Peterborough, ON, that sent this letter to himself over five thousand times in one afternoon. Before leaving the computer lab a strange woman came up behind him, bit his ear and put her hand down his pants. The ensuing surprise caused him to stumble forward and cry out. As he attempted to stop his fall by grabbing a nearby computer, spit from his horney drooling landed deep in the computer, all three (student, strange woman and computer) then experienced simultaneous Cyber-Orgasms of exponential intensity before exploding in a puff of smoking data. You must send at least ten copies within 96 hours of receiving this letter. Those who send this email will find their love lives more fulfilling. Those who do not send it be doomed to one-night stands with mechanical devices. How To Shower Like a Guy:  Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed
Leave in a pile Walk naked to the bathroom If you see female along the way, shake your man piece at her while making woo-hoo sound Look at manly physique in the mirror Admire size of your man piece and scratch your ass Get in the shower Wash your face Wash your armpits Blow your nose in your hands and let water rinse them off Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area Wash your butt Shampoo hair. Make shampoo Mohawk Take a pee Rinse off and get out of shower Partially dry off Fail to notice water on floor Admire size of your man piece in mirror again Leave shower door open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on Return to bedroom with towel around waist If you pass female, pull off towel, shake knob at her and make woo-hoo noise again Throw wet towel on bed How To Shower Like A Girl:  Get in ShowerUse face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins Wash hair again to make sure it is clean Condition hair with grapefruit and mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil, leave on hair for 15 minutes Wash face with crushed apricot facial, scrub for 10 minutes until red Wash entire body with ginger nut and jojoba body wash Shave armpits and legs Turn off shower Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower and spray mould spots with Tilex Get out of shower Dry with towel the size of a small country Wrap hair in super absorbent towel Check entire body for spots, tweeze hairs Return to bedroom wearing big towel around you If you see a guy along the way, cover any exposed areas. DISCOVERED
A guy discovered WEAPONS and invented HUNTING, A girl discovered HUNTING and invented FURS. A guy discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT, A girl discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP. A guy discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION, A girl discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP. A guy discovered GAMBLING and invented CARDS, A girl discovered CARDS and invented WITCHERY. A guy discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD, A girl discovered FOOD and invented DIET. A guy discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE, A girl discovered LOVE and invented MARRIAGE. A guy discovered WOMEN and invented SEX, A girl discovered SEX and invented HEADACHES. A guy discovered TRADING and invented MONEY, A girl discovered MONEY and that's when it all got f#@$ed up. Guy & Girl Interpretations THINGY (thing-ee) n. Girl: Any part under a car's hood. Guy: The strap fastener on a girl's bra. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Girl: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Guy: Playing ball without a cup. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon)n. Girl: The sharing of thoughts & feelings with one's partner. Guy: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the guys. BUTT (but) n. Girl: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes 'look bigger.' Guy: The organ of mooning and farting. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n. Girl: A desire to get married and raise a family. Guy: Not trying to pick up other girls while out with one's girlfriend.ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) Girl......A good movie, concert, play or book. Male..........Anything that can be done while drinking beer.FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) Girl......An Embarrassing byproduct of indigestion. Guy...........A source of entertainment, self-expression, Guy bonding.MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) Girl......The greatest _expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. Guy...........Call it whatever you want just as long as we do it. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Girl: A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Guy: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2 minutes. TASTE (tayst) v. Girl: Something you do frequently to whatever you're cooking, to make sure it's good. Guy: Something you must do to anything you think has gone bad, prior to tossing it out.
Girls English
Yes = No No = Yes Maybe = No It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now Do what you want = You'll pay for this later We need to talk = I need to bitch. Sure......Go ahead = I don't want you too. Im not upset = Of course I'm up set, you stupid moron How much do you love me? = I did something today your not going like me for. Is my butt fat? = Tell me im beautiful. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me. Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead
Guys English
Im hungry = Im hungry Im sleepy = Im sleepy Im tired = Im tired Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. Can I take you to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. Nice dress = Nice cleavage. You look tensed, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you. What's wrong? = What meaningless self inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now? What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question. Im bored = Do you want to have sex? I love you = Lets have sex right now. I love you too = Okay I said it wed better have sex now Lets talk = I am trying to impress you by shown that Im a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal 4 you to have sex with other guys.
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met.
After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding.
Their life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. Question: Who was the survivor? (Scroll down for the answer. Trust me, it's worth it)
Answer:
The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.
**** Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke. **** Men keep scrolling.
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.
By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this illustrates another point: Women never listen. Bra sizes from a man's point of view! |
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Wow I can't believe I finally found this site and actually remembered my password. I haven't been on here in like 3 years or more. Not since I graduated anyway. How is this site? Dead as ever I see. lol I went to the chat and there was nobody...I repeat nobody in there. I was left talking to myself like a lonely hobo LMAO! . I see I am still your number one after all these years too. I've missed you Matt! Glad I found you on Myspace. I hardly ever get on that site either. I am mainly on Facebook! Well I hope all is going well for you In Canada. You should visit the States. I Should Visit Canada. Or maybe Europe lol. Well I shall talk to you later. idk when, maybe if you ever get on Yahoo Messenger we can talk. We have A LOT of catching up to do. Hope to hear from you soon. Maybe you could Email me sometime. Take care. Love you! Byez! [: